I truly will be making an effort to do this daily.
Day seven. Almost a week. As I type this, its literally 14 hours until exactly a week. *Sigh*. So depressing. I had a hard time last night, and even this morning, clearing out of my funk, to really focus on what is is. It was hard hanging up my clothes, but not picking out what to wear, etc.
My mom called around 915, and quickly reprimanded me to "get some spark in my bark" because I had a phone interview at 10. She's right, and I started to come around.
Interview went well. One step at a time. I suspect that my lack of degree will be a problem, but we'll see.
THEN! Networking pays off. I got an email from a resume that I sent to a carrier that I was given a contact to from someone I worked with at Travelers. In PERSON interview on Thursday. *JOY*
Then....I rearranged the kitchen counters and rearranged furniture in the kids room. Tomorrw is the living room and/or start on the attic, after my obligatory job hunt.
So, I'm hanging in there, albeit still really down that I was laid off in the future. I wish that I had seen this coming.
Tomorrow...I get to have dinner with one of my favorite people. Currently, I'm dessert planning. I know what I'm cooking. Cannot wait!
Monday, July 29, 2013
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Unemployment Days 1-6
As of you know, I was laid off from Travelers. Far cry from a post almost exactly a year ago when I knew exactly the plan and what I wanted to finish in the next five years. I was one of 500 now for layoffs and one of who knows how many in the future, as the company has indicated that more are coming.
Day One -- The actual Layoff
We were warned the day before Day One that it was coming. However, they did not give an indication as to who would be affected nor what divisions...or even how many. Just that it was coming as the company realized that we have taken too much rate and we needed to start taking rate back, which meant something else had to go which was expenses.
I"ll spare you all the gory details which entailed lots of tears and frustration on my part, but all in all, once I was called down, that was it. I didn't see my coworkers, or my desk, or even get my purse and sneakers. I was walked out 30 minutes after being called down, and the "walk of shame" has taken on an entirely new meaning. I know that I was one of 90 out of Connecticut, but that does little to lessen that I was one. I went to my mothers and started to mentally regroup. That meant calling unemployment and starting to piece together what was next. Thankfully, I had started updating LinkedIn the night before, and I always update my resume every 3 months or so, so I was ready to go.
Emotionally, I was devastated (still am, really). My friends at work were obviously upset...its hard when you lose a coworker like that. I think its harder for everyone, myself included, that when you put in 60-80 hour weeks, work weekends sometimes, work on PTO days, etc, that the ultimate sacrifice for you is your actual paycheck and job for the success of the product and company. I never realized when senior management kept saying that they wanted people to put the company first that the people who actually did would be the ones to go.
As the day went on, and I went home, I was able to finally start to mentally put together my plan of action and know that I"ll figure it out. There was a gamut of emotions from frustration, sadness, depression, anger, childish, etc. As the day also went on, more and more pieces started to come out of my coworkers with who the other casualties were, etc. I was very surprised at some of the casualties and some of the ones who were not. I was more surprised at the people that were chosen, whether random or not, and I wonder why people didn't fight for certain people. Ridiculously long day....and while I didn't think that I could sleep, I was all cried out, and passed out.
DAY Two -- Wound Licking
After a very sleepless night, I woke up very depressed. Understandable. For one of the first times in history, I didn't have a job to go to. I do not like the feeling. However, after wallowing for a little while, I pulled myself out of bed, grabbed the laptop, and started sending more emails and hunting for jobs. I spent the majority of the day applying for jobs and contacting people that I have worked with and have a friendship with. At the end of the day, I had 34 applications in. I felt moderately accomplished, but Wednesday was hard. I felt like (and still do) feel like a failure. Like I have let my parents and my family and my fiancé and my daughter down. Everyone, really. I know that this was something that will be corrected and will end up better in the end, but at the moment, and on day two, I felt pretty crappy.
DAY Three -- Game Face
Thursday was going to be interesting. Someone I had worked with was retiring, and her happy hour was Thursday. I debated and asked a lot of coworkers their opinions, and I got a mixed bag of Should GO and should NOT go. Finally, I decided to ask the guest of honor. Her opinion, which was almost immediate via email, was of COURSE I should go.
I'll spare you the gory details. It wasn't tons of fun. There were the start of tears from former coworkers, and lots of people came to visit. It was political. It was to let the Game Makers (hello Hunger Games reference) see that I was classy enough to face them and go to the party, and not let them see that I was devastated and hurt and that they truly needed and want me more than they thought. Mission successful. It was actually a good thing, and I left feeling as though I was truly going to be OK and that my short presence at Travelers was impactful not only on myself, but also to many, many people around me. It seems as though people were rallying around me, people who have no skin in the game.
DAY Four -- Running
Friday had me running around. First crack out of the box I was on the computer and hunting. I posted for a few jobs, and picked up the house. I went to my moms, had lunch with her to celebrate good news about my dad...and then...I GOT AN EMAIL! One of the many, many applications that I had put out were starting to PAN out.... Interview scheduled for Monday. Fingers crossed!
I sat in traffic for hours going to pick up Billy's little cousin who was spending the night with Allie, and came home. Relatively uneventful.
DAY Five and Six -- Weekends
Nothing exciting about weekends. Typical running, errands, laundry. We had a guest until tonight (sunday), so that enhanced the running. My car got fixed.
Sunday night-- And the sadness creeps in that tomorrow morning, while I have an interview, I do not have a job to go to. While everyone else is preparing to go to work or wherever, I'm not preparing to do anything. Again the feeling of letting my family and those people who believe in me down. I think that I'm going to end this post now and go to bed, in hopes that I'll be able to sleep my extreme moroseness and devastation and sadness off.
Day Seven..... Coming soon.
Day One -- The actual Layoff
We were warned the day before Day One that it was coming. However, they did not give an indication as to who would be affected nor what divisions...or even how many. Just that it was coming as the company realized that we have taken too much rate and we needed to start taking rate back, which meant something else had to go which was expenses.
I"ll spare you all the gory details which entailed lots of tears and frustration on my part, but all in all, once I was called down, that was it. I didn't see my coworkers, or my desk, or even get my purse and sneakers. I was walked out 30 minutes after being called down, and the "walk of shame" has taken on an entirely new meaning. I know that I was one of 90 out of Connecticut, but that does little to lessen that I was one. I went to my mothers and started to mentally regroup. That meant calling unemployment and starting to piece together what was next. Thankfully, I had started updating LinkedIn the night before, and I always update my resume every 3 months or so, so I was ready to go.
Emotionally, I was devastated (still am, really). My friends at work were obviously upset...its hard when you lose a coworker like that. I think its harder for everyone, myself included, that when you put in 60-80 hour weeks, work weekends sometimes, work on PTO days, etc, that the ultimate sacrifice for you is your actual paycheck and job for the success of the product and company. I never realized when senior management kept saying that they wanted people to put the company first that the people who actually did would be the ones to go.
As the day went on, and I went home, I was able to finally start to mentally put together my plan of action and know that I"ll figure it out. There was a gamut of emotions from frustration, sadness, depression, anger, childish, etc. As the day also went on, more and more pieces started to come out of my coworkers with who the other casualties were, etc. I was very surprised at some of the casualties and some of the ones who were not. I was more surprised at the people that were chosen, whether random or not, and I wonder why people didn't fight for certain people. Ridiculously long day....and while I didn't think that I could sleep, I was all cried out, and passed out.
DAY Two -- Wound Licking
After a very sleepless night, I woke up very depressed. Understandable. For one of the first times in history, I didn't have a job to go to. I do not like the feeling. However, after wallowing for a little while, I pulled myself out of bed, grabbed the laptop, and started sending more emails and hunting for jobs. I spent the majority of the day applying for jobs and contacting people that I have worked with and have a friendship with. At the end of the day, I had 34 applications in. I felt moderately accomplished, but Wednesday was hard. I felt like (and still do) feel like a failure. Like I have let my parents and my family and my fiancé and my daughter down. Everyone, really. I know that this was something that will be corrected and will end up better in the end, but at the moment, and on day two, I felt pretty crappy.
DAY Three -- Game Face
Thursday was going to be interesting. Someone I had worked with was retiring, and her happy hour was Thursday. I debated and asked a lot of coworkers their opinions, and I got a mixed bag of Should GO and should NOT go. Finally, I decided to ask the guest of honor. Her opinion, which was almost immediate via email, was of COURSE I should go.
I'll spare you the gory details. It wasn't tons of fun. There were the start of tears from former coworkers, and lots of people came to visit. It was political. It was to let the Game Makers (hello Hunger Games reference) see that I was classy enough to face them and go to the party, and not let them see that I was devastated and hurt and that they truly needed and want me more than they thought. Mission successful. It was actually a good thing, and I left feeling as though I was truly going to be OK and that my short presence at Travelers was impactful not only on myself, but also to many, many people around me. It seems as though people were rallying around me, people who have no skin in the game.
DAY Four -- Running
Friday had me running around. First crack out of the box I was on the computer and hunting. I posted for a few jobs, and picked up the house. I went to my moms, had lunch with her to celebrate good news about my dad...and then...I GOT AN EMAIL! One of the many, many applications that I had put out were starting to PAN out.... Interview scheduled for Monday. Fingers crossed!
I sat in traffic for hours going to pick up Billy's little cousin who was spending the night with Allie, and came home. Relatively uneventful.
DAY Five and Six -- Weekends
Nothing exciting about weekends. Typical running, errands, laundry. We had a guest until tonight (sunday), so that enhanced the running. My car got fixed.
Sunday night-- And the sadness creeps in that tomorrow morning, while I have an interview, I do not have a job to go to. While everyone else is preparing to go to work or wherever, I'm not preparing to do anything. Again the feeling of letting my family and those people who believe in me down. I think that I'm going to end this post now and go to bed, in hopes that I'll be able to sleep my extreme moroseness and devastation and sadness off.
Day Seven..... Coming soon.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Goals..
Sorry that its been a while since I have blogged. Things have ben crazy busy and there has been a lot of time that I have not been able to turn on my computer, let alone sit and type. I have been trying to assimilate the future and what I want out of life, which is questionable at this point. But, what I do know is that there are several things that I want to accomplish in the near future (meaning 5 years or so). So, here goes...in no particular order....
-Graduate from college and walk at Graduation.
*I'm 1/2 way there...
-Buy a house
*The question is where said house will be
-Get Married
*Contingent on buying a house. I cannot justify spending money on a wedding that could go to a home.
-Earn $100k a year
*Getting there. 5 years is a fair timeframe.
-Begin both books, but finish at least one
*Concepts are there...just missing the actual book. Soon, I swear.
I was reading one of the magazine subscriptions that i get downloaded to my nook color (BEST THING EVER!). It happened to be Living Simple. Anyway, there is an essay contest that I think that I am going to enter. The topic is "Decisions you regret". While I have made many decisions that I regret, I choose to view some of them as catalysts for things that I dont regret.
These are the tips of the iceberg. I feel as though I should be destined to do a lot of things. I could not ever begin to list out the things that i want, or feel I need, or even do. I kow that at the end of the day, my biggest jobs are to provide for my family, take care of my family, and be everything I can be for my family. What do you aspire to be?
-Graduate from college and walk at Graduation.
*I'm 1/2 way there...
-Buy a house
*The question is where said house will be
-Get Married
*Contingent on buying a house. I cannot justify spending money on a wedding that could go to a home.
-Earn $100k a year
*Getting there. 5 years is a fair timeframe.
-Begin both books, but finish at least one
*Concepts are there...just missing the actual book. Soon, I swear.
I was reading one of the magazine subscriptions that i get downloaded to my nook color (BEST THING EVER!). It happened to be Living Simple. Anyway, there is an essay contest that I think that I am going to enter. The topic is "Decisions you regret". While I have made many decisions that I regret, I choose to view some of them as catalysts for things that I dont regret.
These are the tips of the iceberg. I feel as though I should be destined to do a lot of things. I could not ever begin to list out the things that i want, or feel I need, or even do. I kow that at the end of the day, my biggest jobs are to provide for my family, take care of my family, and be everything I can be for my family. What do you aspire to be?
Sunday, April 22, 2012
New Job!
It's been a while since i posted my cliff-hanger....Almost 2 months. But, I have a reason for being quiet for the last almost 60 days...I've just been too busy!
My cliff hanger was that I was leaving the Hartford after almost 7 years. My boss, who I appreciated and valued (still do, hes just not my boss anymore), left HIG, and there were some changes that were starting to make me uncomfortable in general. however, despite that, I was hesitant to leave HIG. I grew up in the organization and had scrapped just to get where I was....
I was approached in mid-January from a competitor that there was several openings that I may be curious about. That being said, I originally had no intention of leaving, but wanted to explore other opportunities just the same. I wanted to see what was out there, and see if I could grow futher in my career. I doubt that people generally choose that insurance will be their career, but I seem to have done that, and I think that its a good place for me to be. Anyway, several interviews later (about 13 hours worth), I was made an offer to go to the "evil red umbrella" competitor, and I accepted. I was to start on April 2. However, despite my best intentions to do the right thing to my home away from home (HIG), I ended up leaving there on the 16th of March, and started at Travelers on the 26th of March. Luckily, however, I was joined by some very good company, and my former colleague (boss, really, after my original boss left in Janaury) came too, and my original boss (who left in janaury) was already intrenched in the company.
Do I miss HIG? Sure. I miss the people. I miss the products that I grew up with, and knew backwards and forwards. THere is a certain amount of comfort in knowing the what, the where, and more importantly, the who to go to when you aren't 100% sure. I would be lying if I said that I didnt miss knowing the job and the products and the people. I miss the people that I know. thankfully, I have been able to keep in touch with most of them. I miss the company, although i do not miss the uncertainty that I feel/felt. I still feel a twinge of it, because, obviously, I'm invested in the company (my (sometimes) better half still works there), and I want the company to succeed. I just want to succed more. Its that competitive streak that I want to be sure that we are #1 or #2 in an agents office. I felt the same competitive streak at HIG. Now its just for a different carrier.
I should clarify....I miss some of the people. I do not miss having to defend myself that I was "just from service". I do not miss the cliques and snottiness that a lot of people exuded at HIG. I always felt like I was never one of the popular kids, and that I never truly belonged.
However, I love my new role. Well, love might be a little strong, just because I am not fully comfortable yet. I am still learning the role, the customs, the culture. I'm learning about the product, whereas before I knew it probably better than most. I may have been learning Product Management, but I knew the process and the product inside and out. I'm a little out of my element at TRV just because I do not know any of the above. The hardest part is that I do not know the culture.
For example, i want to say that men have it very easy when they are getting dressed. A button down or polo shirt, slacks, shoes, and out the door. A woman's clothing is much more involved. What kind of shirt is appropriate? What types of shoes? I have learned, quickly, that open toed shoes, of any variety, (with the exception of peep toe) are unacceptable in product management at TRV. That sucks. I have gorgeous wedges. That being said, heels are good, the higher the better. No wonder my feet hurt at the end of the day. Slacks are fine. i can get away with khakis once a week. So, I have invested in many button down shirts and short sleeved sweaters, and still wonder if I'm dressed appropriately, or if I'm sticking out like a sore thumb as the new kid. And worse, the fat new kid. ARGH. Its a daily battle. Oh, and no jeans fridays. That is depressing. Maybe once the United Way thing comes through....
Anyway, as I start my 5th week at TRV, I'm hoping that I at least am up to their expectations...here's to hoping....
My cliff hanger was that I was leaving the Hartford after almost 7 years. My boss, who I appreciated and valued (still do, hes just not my boss anymore), left HIG, and there were some changes that were starting to make me uncomfortable in general. however, despite that, I was hesitant to leave HIG. I grew up in the organization and had scrapped just to get where I was....
I was approached in mid-January from a competitor that there was several openings that I may be curious about. That being said, I originally had no intention of leaving, but wanted to explore other opportunities just the same. I wanted to see what was out there, and see if I could grow futher in my career. I doubt that people generally choose that insurance will be their career, but I seem to have done that, and I think that its a good place for me to be. Anyway, several interviews later (about 13 hours worth), I was made an offer to go to the "evil red umbrella" competitor, and I accepted. I was to start on April 2. However, despite my best intentions to do the right thing to my home away from home (HIG), I ended up leaving there on the 16th of March, and started at Travelers on the 26th of March. Luckily, however, I was joined by some very good company, and my former colleague (boss, really, after my original boss left in Janaury) came too, and my original boss (who left in janaury) was already intrenched in the company.
Do I miss HIG? Sure. I miss the people. I miss the products that I grew up with, and knew backwards and forwards. THere is a certain amount of comfort in knowing the what, the where, and more importantly, the who to go to when you aren't 100% sure. I would be lying if I said that I didnt miss knowing the job and the products and the people. I miss the people that I know. thankfully, I have been able to keep in touch with most of them. I miss the company, although i do not miss the uncertainty that I feel/felt. I still feel a twinge of it, because, obviously, I'm invested in the company (my (sometimes) better half still works there), and I want the company to succeed. I just want to succed more. Its that competitive streak that I want to be sure that we are #1 or #2 in an agents office. I felt the same competitive streak at HIG. Now its just for a different carrier.
I should clarify....I miss some of the people. I do not miss having to defend myself that I was "just from service". I do not miss the cliques and snottiness that a lot of people exuded at HIG. I always felt like I was never one of the popular kids, and that I never truly belonged.
However, I love my new role. Well, love might be a little strong, just because I am not fully comfortable yet. I am still learning the role, the customs, the culture. I'm learning about the product, whereas before I knew it probably better than most. I may have been learning Product Management, but I knew the process and the product inside and out. I'm a little out of my element at TRV just because I do not know any of the above. The hardest part is that I do not know the culture.
For example, i want to say that men have it very easy when they are getting dressed. A button down or polo shirt, slacks, shoes, and out the door. A woman's clothing is much more involved. What kind of shirt is appropriate? What types of shoes? I have learned, quickly, that open toed shoes, of any variety, (with the exception of peep toe) are unacceptable in product management at TRV. That sucks. I have gorgeous wedges. That being said, heels are good, the higher the better. No wonder my feet hurt at the end of the day. Slacks are fine. i can get away with khakis once a week. So, I have invested in many button down shirts and short sleeved sweaters, and still wonder if I'm dressed appropriately, or if I'm sticking out like a sore thumb as the new kid. And worse, the fat new kid. ARGH. Its a daily battle. Oh, and no jeans fridays. That is depressing. Maybe once the United Way thing comes through....
Anyway, as I start my 5th week at TRV, I'm hoping that I at least am up to their expectations...here's to hoping....
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Changes possibly a comin'
I have a lot to say, but cannot say a lot of it yet. So, this is more of a cliffhanger post and when I can say more, I will.
Things are moving and shaking, and i'll just dispell any rumors now....NO, i'm not pregnant. NO, i'm not getting married tomorrow. NO, i'm not moving...YET.
More later!
Things are moving and shaking, and i'll just dispell any rumors now....NO, i'm not pregnant. NO, i'm not getting married tomorrow. NO, i'm not moving...YET.
More later!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Reflections on my life as I turn down the road to 30....
Next week is my birthday. Tuesday to be exact. I'll be 29.
***DISCLAIMER***This post is a self deprecating rant against myself and my lack of anything. You are forewarned, and continue to read at your own risk***********
I have spent the better part of at least a week being so depressed that it is my birthday, that I have taken little joy in anything, including Christmas. I took no joy in my Xmas tree. No joy in chow. No joy in anything. Of course, there were those minutes when I was happy about something. I was excited to get my new cell phone. I was excited to get a kitchenaid stand mixer (more about that in "The Mood of Food"). I was excited for barstools and to watch everyone open their gifts that I thought long and hard about purchasing. However, not a lot of joy without abandon on my part. Actually, I"ve been downright snarky, cranky, and depressed.
Why you may ask? Because I have been riddled with thoughts of what a LOSER I am and I'm turning 29. One year from 30. What, exactly, do I have to show for that?
Everyone has been telling me that I've accomplished a lot. What, exactly, I ask all of you, have I accomplished? I havent finished school. I will be stuck in my current role for at least 2.5 years while finishing my undergraduate degree (which in itself isnt a bad thing, but I generally have a 2 year shelf life in role before I start to get antsy.). I have no house. I have a car that I pay through the tail for. I have Allie (although she is up for sale to the highest bidder with her attitude lately). What have I accomplished? What milestones have I passed? Have I? Do people have reasons to be proud of me?
My answer to those questions is NOTHING and NO. Niente. Rien. Zilch. Nada.
What do I offer those people close to me? What do I offer Billy? Not much, other than me bitching 99% of the time about one thing or another. My parents? Nothing, other than me bitching 99% of the time. The rest of my family? Nothing really, not even bitching. Why do I bitch? Because I'm unhappy with what I'm offering people, but I dont know how to give more. I'm giving everything I've got, and I dont feel like its enough. Money? Sike. Not enough. Time? Sike. Between school, managing a house (for the most part), work, Allie, and sleep, there is not much of that left. Emotion? I feel like I am an emotional mute lately. I have nothing to offer anyone in that respect. Sharing in my success? What success?. Help? I cant help myself, let alone anyone else. I dont have a lot of true friends, and those I do have, I can count on one hand for people that I know I can reach out to, and even those, I feel as though I'm a bother.
I am feeling so incredibly inadequate. I dont feel pretty enough or thin enough or smart enough.I feel as though the axe is about to fall on me, and I have no way to move out of the way. I feel like i'm pushing everyone away because of my self-deprecating mindset. I work with a bunch of people who are brilliant (and super nice to boot), but they are 25 years old, and have their whole life totally put togehter. Here I sit, on the brink of 29, with NOTHING. Nothing. NOTHING!
I told my mom earlier that I dont want to celebrate my birthday, and that I've been bummed for a week. I'm debating whether to send this to her to explain. Its really simple for someone to say that its mind over matter, but its not really an accurate statement. Mind is the matter in this case, and no matter how much I try to pull myself out of my birthday funk, I cant seem to. I feel as though I'm waiting for relationships to end and maybe in some subconscious way, I'm hoping they will, because everyone who I have a relationship with can do so much better than me. They could have someone who is a better friend, pretty, and smart, and provides better.....God Knows I dont.
Did this make me feel better....to just throw all of this out there? No. I wish I was a turtle who could just hide in my shell.
***DISCLAIMER***This post is a self deprecating rant against myself and my lack of anything. You are forewarned, and continue to read at your own risk***********
I have spent the better part of at least a week being so depressed that it is my birthday, that I have taken little joy in anything, including Christmas. I took no joy in my Xmas tree. No joy in chow. No joy in anything. Of course, there were those minutes when I was happy about something. I was excited to get my new cell phone. I was excited to get a kitchenaid stand mixer (more about that in "The Mood of Food"). I was excited for barstools and to watch everyone open their gifts that I thought long and hard about purchasing. However, not a lot of joy without abandon on my part. Actually, I"ve been downright snarky, cranky, and depressed.
Why you may ask? Because I have been riddled with thoughts of what a LOSER I am and I'm turning 29. One year from 30. What, exactly, do I have to show for that?
Everyone has been telling me that I've accomplished a lot. What, exactly, I ask all of you, have I accomplished? I havent finished school. I will be stuck in my current role for at least 2.5 years while finishing my undergraduate degree (which in itself isnt a bad thing, but I generally have a 2 year shelf life in role before I start to get antsy.). I have no house. I have a car that I pay through the tail for. I have Allie (although she is up for sale to the highest bidder with her attitude lately). What have I accomplished? What milestones have I passed? Have I? Do people have reasons to be proud of me?
My answer to those questions is NOTHING and NO. Niente. Rien. Zilch. Nada.
What do I offer those people close to me? What do I offer Billy? Not much, other than me bitching 99% of the time about one thing or another. My parents? Nothing, other than me bitching 99% of the time. The rest of my family? Nothing really, not even bitching. Why do I bitch? Because I'm unhappy with what I'm offering people, but I dont know how to give more. I'm giving everything I've got, and I dont feel like its enough. Money? Sike. Not enough. Time? Sike. Between school, managing a house (for the most part), work, Allie, and sleep, there is not much of that left. Emotion? I feel like I am an emotional mute lately. I have nothing to offer anyone in that respect. Sharing in my success? What success?. Help? I cant help myself, let alone anyone else. I dont have a lot of true friends, and those I do have, I can count on one hand for people that I know I can reach out to, and even those, I feel as though I'm a bother.
I am feeling so incredibly inadequate. I dont feel pretty enough or thin enough or smart enough.I feel as though the axe is about to fall on me, and I have no way to move out of the way. I feel like i'm pushing everyone away because of my self-deprecating mindset. I work with a bunch of people who are brilliant (and super nice to boot), but they are 25 years old, and have their whole life totally put togehter. Here I sit, on the brink of 29, with NOTHING. Nothing. NOTHING!
I told my mom earlier that I dont want to celebrate my birthday, and that I've been bummed for a week. I'm debating whether to send this to her to explain. Its really simple for someone to say that its mind over matter, but its not really an accurate statement. Mind is the matter in this case, and no matter how much I try to pull myself out of my birthday funk, I cant seem to. I feel as though I'm waiting for relationships to end and maybe in some subconscious way, I'm hoping they will, because everyone who I have a relationship with can do so much better than me. They could have someone who is a better friend, pretty, and smart, and provides better.....God Knows I dont.
Did this make me feel better....to just throw all of this out there? No. I wish I was a turtle who could just hide in my shell.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
And life goes on....
I dont have much to share....or rather that I can share. I just feel blah. Maybe its because i just ate 3 of my little mozzerella balls. Check out "The Mood of Food" if you want to know more about my mozzerella balls. Maybe i'm bipolar or something.
blah.
blah.
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