Sorry that its been a while since I have blogged. Things have ben crazy busy and there has been a lot of time that I have not been able to turn on my computer, let alone sit and type. I have been trying to assimilate the future and what I want out of life, which is questionable at this point. But, what I do know is that there are several things that I want to accomplish in the near future (meaning 5 years or so). So, here goes...in no particular order....
-Graduate from college and walk at Graduation.
*I'm 1/2 way there...
-Buy a house
*The question is where said house will be
-Get Married
*Contingent on buying a house. I cannot justify spending money on a wedding that could go to a home.
-Earn $100k a year
*Getting there. 5 years is a fair timeframe.
-Begin both books, but finish at least one
*Concepts are there...just missing the actual book. Soon, I swear.
I was reading one of the magazine subscriptions that i get downloaded to my nook color (BEST THING EVER!). It happened to be Living Simple. Anyway, there is an essay contest that I think that I am going to enter. The topic is "Decisions you regret". While I have made many decisions that I regret, I choose to view some of them as catalysts for things that I dont regret.
These are the tips of the iceberg. I feel as though I should be destined to do a lot of things. I could not ever begin to list out the things that i want, or feel I need, or even do. I kow that at the end of the day, my biggest jobs are to provide for my family, take care of my family, and be everything I can be for my family. What do you aspire to be?
Monday, July 16, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
New Job!
It's been a while since i posted my cliff-hanger....Almost 2 months. But, I have a reason for being quiet for the last almost 60 days...I've just been too busy!
My cliff hanger was that I was leaving the Hartford after almost 7 years. My boss, who I appreciated and valued (still do, hes just not my boss anymore), left HIG, and there were some changes that were starting to make me uncomfortable in general. however, despite that, I was hesitant to leave HIG. I grew up in the organization and had scrapped just to get where I was....
I was approached in mid-January from a competitor that there was several openings that I may be curious about. That being said, I originally had no intention of leaving, but wanted to explore other opportunities just the same. I wanted to see what was out there, and see if I could grow futher in my career. I doubt that people generally choose that insurance will be their career, but I seem to have done that, and I think that its a good place for me to be. Anyway, several interviews later (about 13 hours worth), I was made an offer to go to the "evil red umbrella" competitor, and I accepted. I was to start on April 2. However, despite my best intentions to do the right thing to my home away from home (HIG), I ended up leaving there on the 16th of March, and started at Travelers on the 26th of March. Luckily, however, I was joined by some very good company, and my former colleague (boss, really, after my original boss left in Janaury) came too, and my original boss (who left in janaury) was already intrenched in the company.
Do I miss HIG? Sure. I miss the people. I miss the products that I grew up with, and knew backwards and forwards. THere is a certain amount of comfort in knowing the what, the where, and more importantly, the who to go to when you aren't 100% sure. I would be lying if I said that I didnt miss knowing the job and the products and the people. I miss the people that I know. thankfully, I have been able to keep in touch with most of them. I miss the company, although i do not miss the uncertainty that I feel/felt. I still feel a twinge of it, because, obviously, I'm invested in the company (my (sometimes) better half still works there), and I want the company to succeed. I just want to succed more. Its that competitive streak that I want to be sure that we are #1 or #2 in an agents office. I felt the same competitive streak at HIG. Now its just for a different carrier.
I should clarify....I miss some of the people. I do not miss having to defend myself that I was "just from service". I do not miss the cliques and snottiness that a lot of people exuded at HIG. I always felt like I was never one of the popular kids, and that I never truly belonged.
However, I love my new role. Well, love might be a little strong, just because I am not fully comfortable yet. I am still learning the role, the customs, the culture. I'm learning about the product, whereas before I knew it probably better than most. I may have been learning Product Management, but I knew the process and the product inside and out. I'm a little out of my element at TRV just because I do not know any of the above. The hardest part is that I do not know the culture.
For example, i want to say that men have it very easy when they are getting dressed. A button down or polo shirt, slacks, shoes, and out the door. A woman's clothing is much more involved. What kind of shirt is appropriate? What types of shoes? I have learned, quickly, that open toed shoes, of any variety, (with the exception of peep toe) are unacceptable in product management at TRV. That sucks. I have gorgeous wedges. That being said, heels are good, the higher the better. No wonder my feet hurt at the end of the day. Slacks are fine. i can get away with khakis once a week. So, I have invested in many button down shirts and short sleeved sweaters, and still wonder if I'm dressed appropriately, or if I'm sticking out like a sore thumb as the new kid. And worse, the fat new kid. ARGH. Its a daily battle. Oh, and no jeans fridays. That is depressing. Maybe once the United Way thing comes through....
Anyway, as I start my 5th week at TRV, I'm hoping that I at least am up to their expectations...here's to hoping....
My cliff hanger was that I was leaving the Hartford after almost 7 years. My boss, who I appreciated and valued (still do, hes just not my boss anymore), left HIG, and there were some changes that were starting to make me uncomfortable in general. however, despite that, I was hesitant to leave HIG. I grew up in the organization and had scrapped just to get where I was....
I was approached in mid-January from a competitor that there was several openings that I may be curious about. That being said, I originally had no intention of leaving, but wanted to explore other opportunities just the same. I wanted to see what was out there, and see if I could grow futher in my career. I doubt that people generally choose that insurance will be their career, but I seem to have done that, and I think that its a good place for me to be. Anyway, several interviews later (about 13 hours worth), I was made an offer to go to the "evil red umbrella" competitor, and I accepted. I was to start on April 2. However, despite my best intentions to do the right thing to my home away from home (HIG), I ended up leaving there on the 16th of March, and started at Travelers on the 26th of March. Luckily, however, I was joined by some very good company, and my former colleague (boss, really, after my original boss left in Janaury) came too, and my original boss (who left in janaury) was already intrenched in the company.
Do I miss HIG? Sure. I miss the people. I miss the products that I grew up with, and knew backwards and forwards. THere is a certain amount of comfort in knowing the what, the where, and more importantly, the who to go to when you aren't 100% sure. I would be lying if I said that I didnt miss knowing the job and the products and the people. I miss the people that I know. thankfully, I have been able to keep in touch with most of them. I miss the company, although i do not miss the uncertainty that I feel/felt. I still feel a twinge of it, because, obviously, I'm invested in the company (my (sometimes) better half still works there), and I want the company to succeed. I just want to succed more. Its that competitive streak that I want to be sure that we are #1 or #2 in an agents office. I felt the same competitive streak at HIG. Now its just for a different carrier.
I should clarify....I miss some of the people. I do not miss having to defend myself that I was "just from service". I do not miss the cliques and snottiness that a lot of people exuded at HIG. I always felt like I was never one of the popular kids, and that I never truly belonged.
However, I love my new role. Well, love might be a little strong, just because I am not fully comfortable yet. I am still learning the role, the customs, the culture. I'm learning about the product, whereas before I knew it probably better than most. I may have been learning Product Management, but I knew the process and the product inside and out. I'm a little out of my element at TRV just because I do not know any of the above. The hardest part is that I do not know the culture.
For example, i want to say that men have it very easy when they are getting dressed. A button down or polo shirt, slacks, shoes, and out the door. A woman's clothing is much more involved. What kind of shirt is appropriate? What types of shoes? I have learned, quickly, that open toed shoes, of any variety, (with the exception of peep toe) are unacceptable in product management at TRV. That sucks. I have gorgeous wedges. That being said, heels are good, the higher the better. No wonder my feet hurt at the end of the day. Slacks are fine. i can get away with khakis once a week. So, I have invested in many button down shirts and short sleeved sweaters, and still wonder if I'm dressed appropriately, or if I'm sticking out like a sore thumb as the new kid. And worse, the fat new kid. ARGH. Its a daily battle. Oh, and no jeans fridays. That is depressing. Maybe once the United Way thing comes through....
Anyway, as I start my 5th week at TRV, I'm hoping that I at least am up to their expectations...here's to hoping....
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Changes possibly a comin'
I have a lot to say, but cannot say a lot of it yet. So, this is more of a cliffhanger post and when I can say more, I will.
Things are moving and shaking, and i'll just dispell any rumors now....NO, i'm not pregnant. NO, i'm not getting married tomorrow. NO, i'm not moving...YET.
More later!
Things are moving and shaking, and i'll just dispell any rumors now....NO, i'm not pregnant. NO, i'm not getting married tomorrow. NO, i'm not moving...YET.
More later!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Reflections on my life as I turn down the road to 30....
Next week is my birthday. Tuesday to be exact. I'll be 29.
***DISCLAIMER***This post is a self deprecating rant against myself and my lack of anything. You are forewarned, and continue to read at your own risk***********
I have spent the better part of at least a week being so depressed that it is my birthday, that I have taken little joy in anything, including Christmas. I took no joy in my Xmas tree. No joy in chow. No joy in anything. Of course, there were those minutes when I was happy about something. I was excited to get my new cell phone. I was excited to get a kitchenaid stand mixer (more about that in "The Mood of Food"). I was excited for barstools and to watch everyone open their gifts that I thought long and hard about purchasing. However, not a lot of joy without abandon on my part. Actually, I"ve been downright snarky, cranky, and depressed.
Why you may ask? Because I have been riddled with thoughts of what a LOSER I am and I'm turning 29. One year from 30. What, exactly, do I have to show for that?
Everyone has been telling me that I've accomplished a lot. What, exactly, I ask all of you, have I accomplished? I havent finished school. I will be stuck in my current role for at least 2.5 years while finishing my undergraduate degree (which in itself isnt a bad thing, but I generally have a 2 year shelf life in role before I start to get antsy.). I have no house. I have a car that I pay through the tail for. I have Allie (although she is up for sale to the highest bidder with her attitude lately). What have I accomplished? What milestones have I passed? Have I? Do people have reasons to be proud of me?
My answer to those questions is NOTHING and NO. Niente. Rien. Zilch. Nada.
What do I offer those people close to me? What do I offer Billy? Not much, other than me bitching 99% of the time about one thing or another. My parents? Nothing, other than me bitching 99% of the time. The rest of my family? Nothing really, not even bitching. Why do I bitch? Because I'm unhappy with what I'm offering people, but I dont know how to give more. I'm giving everything I've got, and I dont feel like its enough. Money? Sike. Not enough. Time? Sike. Between school, managing a house (for the most part), work, Allie, and sleep, there is not much of that left. Emotion? I feel like I am an emotional mute lately. I have nothing to offer anyone in that respect. Sharing in my success? What success?. Help? I cant help myself, let alone anyone else. I dont have a lot of true friends, and those I do have, I can count on one hand for people that I know I can reach out to, and even those, I feel as though I'm a bother.
I am feeling so incredibly inadequate. I dont feel pretty enough or thin enough or smart enough.I feel as though the axe is about to fall on me, and I have no way to move out of the way. I feel like i'm pushing everyone away because of my self-deprecating mindset. I work with a bunch of people who are brilliant (and super nice to boot), but they are 25 years old, and have their whole life totally put togehter. Here I sit, on the brink of 29, with NOTHING. Nothing. NOTHING!
I told my mom earlier that I dont want to celebrate my birthday, and that I've been bummed for a week. I'm debating whether to send this to her to explain. Its really simple for someone to say that its mind over matter, but its not really an accurate statement. Mind is the matter in this case, and no matter how much I try to pull myself out of my birthday funk, I cant seem to. I feel as though I'm waiting for relationships to end and maybe in some subconscious way, I'm hoping they will, because everyone who I have a relationship with can do so much better than me. They could have someone who is a better friend, pretty, and smart, and provides better.....God Knows I dont.
Did this make me feel better....to just throw all of this out there? No. I wish I was a turtle who could just hide in my shell.
***DISCLAIMER***This post is a self deprecating rant against myself and my lack of anything. You are forewarned, and continue to read at your own risk***********
I have spent the better part of at least a week being so depressed that it is my birthday, that I have taken little joy in anything, including Christmas. I took no joy in my Xmas tree. No joy in chow. No joy in anything. Of course, there were those minutes when I was happy about something. I was excited to get my new cell phone. I was excited to get a kitchenaid stand mixer (more about that in "The Mood of Food"). I was excited for barstools and to watch everyone open their gifts that I thought long and hard about purchasing. However, not a lot of joy without abandon on my part. Actually, I"ve been downright snarky, cranky, and depressed.
Why you may ask? Because I have been riddled with thoughts of what a LOSER I am and I'm turning 29. One year from 30. What, exactly, do I have to show for that?
Everyone has been telling me that I've accomplished a lot. What, exactly, I ask all of you, have I accomplished? I havent finished school. I will be stuck in my current role for at least 2.5 years while finishing my undergraduate degree (which in itself isnt a bad thing, but I generally have a 2 year shelf life in role before I start to get antsy.). I have no house. I have a car that I pay through the tail for. I have Allie (although she is up for sale to the highest bidder with her attitude lately). What have I accomplished? What milestones have I passed? Have I? Do people have reasons to be proud of me?
My answer to those questions is NOTHING and NO. Niente. Rien. Zilch. Nada.
What do I offer those people close to me? What do I offer Billy? Not much, other than me bitching 99% of the time about one thing or another. My parents? Nothing, other than me bitching 99% of the time. The rest of my family? Nothing really, not even bitching. Why do I bitch? Because I'm unhappy with what I'm offering people, but I dont know how to give more. I'm giving everything I've got, and I dont feel like its enough. Money? Sike. Not enough. Time? Sike. Between school, managing a house (for the most part), work, Allie, and sleep, there is not much of that left. Emotion? I feel like I am an emotional mute lately. I have nothing to offer anyone in that respect. Sharing in my success? What success?. Help? I cant help myself, let alone anyone else. I dont have a lot of true friends, and those I do have, I can count on one hand for people that I know I can reach out to, and even those, I feel as though I'm a bother.
I am feeling so incredibly inadequate. I dont feel pretty enough or thin enough or smart enough.I feel as though the axe is about to fall on me, and I have no way to move out of the way. I feel like i'm pushing everyone away because of my self-deprecating mindset. I work with a bunch of people who are brilliant (and super nice to boot), but they are 25 years old, and have their whole life totally put togehter. Here I sit, on the brink of 29, with NOTHING. Nothing. NOTHING!
I told my mom earlier that I dont want to celebrate my birthday, and that I've been bummed for a week. I'm debating whether to send this to her to explain. Its really simple for someone to say that its mind over matter, but its not really an accurate statement. Mind is the matter in this case, and no matter how much I try to pull myself out of my birthday funk, I cant seem to. I feel as though I'm waiting for relationships to end and maybe in some subconscious way, I'm hoping they will, because everyone who I have a relationship with can do so much better than me. They could have someone who is a better friend, pretty, and smart, and provides better.....God Knows I dont.
Did this make me feel better....to just throw all of this out there? No. I wish I was a turtle who could just hide in my shell.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
And life goes on....
I dont have much to share....or rather that I can share. I just feel blah. Maybe its because i just ate 3 of my little mozzerella balls. Check out "The Mood of Food" if you want to know more about my mozzerella balls. Maybe i'm bipolar or something.
blah.
blah.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Week one over......
I just finished my first week as a Market Product Analyst. I will say that this week was kind of difficult. Not bad difficult, just different difficult. My Assitant Product Manager is wonderful, and really tried to be sure that I felt at home and comfortable. I do think that I may have had higher expectations of what to expect, or rather what they expected, than they and I do. What I mean is that I think that I felt largely uncomfortable and sketched out because I spent a lot of time in actuarial meetings, where I just felt way over my head.
So, I tihnk that I will feel much better in week two, when my boss is back, and I'm entrenched in some training for rate manual updates and whatnot. I think that I will feel better when I have something to do during the day. And, I think that I'll feel better seeing as it will be week 2, and not the very first week. Maybe there will be a few things that I can sink my teeth into as well.
Do I miss PAC? Yes. i miss the people...Desperately. I miss being subject matter expert. I miss having good ideas, even though they are ignored. I miss that part of it. Do I miss the crazy calls? NO. Do I miss the insantiy? NO.
I think that the other part of my discomfort is that I am not used to having total control over my schedule. It doesnt matter if I oversleep one morning, I can go in a little later. I can work from home. I can go to lunch whereever and whenever my little heart desires.
It truly is a dream job, and a wonderful stepping stone to other things. I cannot wait to start stepping on more stones....I'm incredibly lucky.
So, I tihnk that I will feel much better in week two, when my boss is back, and I'm entrenched in some training for rate manual updates and whatnot. I think that I will feel better when I have something to do during the day. And, I think that I'll feel better seeing as it will be week 2, and not the very first week. Maybe there will be a few things that I can sink my teeth into as well.
Do I miss PAC? Yes. i miss the people...Desperately. I miss being subject matter expert. I miss having good ideas, even though they are ignored. I miss that part of it. Do I miss the crazy calls? NO. Do I miss the insantiy? NO.
I think that the other part of my discomfort is that I am not used to having total control over my schedule. It doesnt matter if I oversleep one morning, I can go in a little later. I can work from home. I can go to lunch whereever and whenever my little heart desires.
It truly is a dream job, and a wonderful stepping stone to other things. I cannot wait to start stepping on more stones....I'm incredibly lucky.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Back into Blogging
So I started another blog about food, http://jvmoodoffood.blogspot.com/, which is about food, and this one will remain about me.
Todays topic is something I am looking forward to.
I'm looking forward to being caught up on bills and starting my new job. They come hand in hand, but they are definetly something that I cannot wait for. I'm a frequent flyer to Starbucks and love to eat out, and dammit, I can't wait for the day that I can go otu again, and not feel a twinge of guilt if I buy a venti iced nonfat carmel macchiato, which I currently do. It doesnt stop me, and I allow myself those pleasures, along with an every two month manicure, and hair highlights every 10 weeks. (I LOVE being blonde now as it is, anyway) I will be splurging on a staightening treatment for my hair which will allow me to have pretty hair all the time, not just some of the time. BUT, that has to wait, along with eating out, for some bills to be eliminated and the new job to start.
Officially, as of next saturday, I will be a Market Product Analyst for The Hartford's product management team. My state is Texas. Added bonus? I'll get to go visit my friends, who I miss dearly, and will be able to meet Baby Litchfield. YAYYYYYYY!.
Think I can convince my boss I should go on a research mission to Texas to meet with agents to discuss their ideas for bringing more business our way?
Todays topic is something I am looking forward to.
I'm looking forward to being caught up on bills and starting my new job. They come hand in hand, but they are definetly something that I cannot wait for. I'm a frequent flyer to Starbucks and love to eat out, and dammit, I can't wait for the day that I can go otu again, and not feel a twinge of guilt if I buy a venti iced nonfat carmel macchiato, which I currently do. It doesnt stop me, and I allow myself those pleasures, along with an every two month manicure, and hair highlights every 10 weeks. (I LOVE being blonde now as it is, anyway) I will be splurging on a staightening treatment for my hair which will allow me to have pretty hair all the time, not just some of the time. BUT, that has to wait, along with eating out, for some bills to be eliminated and the new job to start.
Officially, as of next saturday, I will be a Market Product Analyst for The Hartford's product management team. My state is Texas. Added bonus? I'll get to go visit my friends, who I miss dearly, and will be able to meet Baby Litchfield. YAYYYYYYY!.
Think I can convince my boss I should go on a research mission to Texas to meet with agents to discuss their ideas for bringing more business our way?
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