As of you know, I was laid off from Travelers. Far cry from a post almost exactly a year ago when I knew exactly the plan and what I wanted to finish in the next five years. I was one of 500 now for layoffs and one of who knows how many in the future, as the company has indicated that more are coming.
Day One -- The actual Layoff
We were warned the day before Day One that it was coming. However, they did not give an indication as to who would be affected nor what divisions...or even how many. Just that it was coming as the company realized that we have taken too much rate and we needed to start taking rate back, which meant something else had to go which was expenses.
I"ll spare you all the gory details which entailed lots of tears and frustration on my part, but all in all, once I was called down, that was it. I didn't see my coworkers, or my desk, or even get my purse and sneakers. I was walked out 30 minutes after being called down, and the "walk of shame" has taken on an entirely new meaning. I know that I was one of 90 out of Connecticut, but that does little to lessen that I was one. I went to my mothers and started to mentally regroup. That meant calling unemployment and starting to piece together what was next. Thankfully, I had started updating LinkedIn the night before, and I always update my resume every 3 months or so, so I was ready to go.
Emotionally, I was devastated (still am, really). My friends at work were obviously upset...its hard when you lose a coworker like that. I think its harder for everyone, myself included, that when you put in 60-80 hour weeks, work weekends sometimes, work on PTO days, etc, that the ultimate sacrifice for you is your actual paycheck and job for the success of the product and company. I never realized when senior management kept saying that they wanted people to put the company first that the people who actually did would be the ones to go.
As the day went on, and I went home, I was able to finally start to mentally put together my plan of action and know that I"ll figure it out. There was a gamut of emotions from frustration, sadness, depression, anger, childish, etc. As the day also went on, more and more pieces started to come out of my coworkers with who the other casualties were, etc. I was very surprised at some of the casualties and some of the ones who were not. I was more surprised at the people that were chosen, whether random or not, and I wonder why people didn't fight for certain people. Ridiculously long day....and while I didn't think that I could sleep, I was all cried out, and passed out.
DAY Two -- Wound Licking
After a very sleepless night, I woke up very depressed. Understandable. For one of the first times in history, I didn't have a job to go to. I do not like the feeling. However, after wallowing for a little while, I pulled myself out of bed, grabbed the laptop, and started sending more emails and hunting for jobs. I spent the majority of the day applying for jobs and contacting people that I have worked with and have a friendship with. At the end of the day, I had 34 applications in. I felt moderately accomplished, but Wednesday was hard. I felt like (and still do) feel like a failure. Like I have let my parents and my family and my fiancé and my daughter down. Everyone, really. I know that this was something that will be corrected and will end up better in the end, but at the moment, and on day two, I felt pretty crappy.
DAY Three -- Game Face
Thursday was going to be interesting. Someone I had worked with was retiring, and her happy hour was Thursday. I debated and asked a lot of coworkers their opinions, and I got a mixed bag of Should GO and should NOT go. Finally, I decided to ask the guest of honor. Her opinion, which was almost immediate via email, was of COURSE I should go.
I'll spare you the gory details. It wasn't tons of fun. There were the start of tears from former coworkers, and lots of people came to visit. It was political. It was to let the Game Makers (hello Hunger Games reference) see that I was classy enough to face them and go to the party, and not let them see that I was devastated and hurt and that they truly needed and want me more than they thought. Mission successful. It was actually a good thing, and I left feeling as though I was truly going to be OK and that my short presence at Travelers was impactful not only on myself, but also to many, many people around me. It seems as though people were rallying around me, people who have no skin in the game.
DAY Four -- Running
Friday had me running around. First crack out of the box I was on the computer and hunting. I posted for a few jobs, and picked up the house. I went to my moms, had lunch with her to celebrate good news about my dad...and then...I GOT AN EMAIL! One of the many, many applications that I had put out were starting to PAN out.... Interview scheduled for Monday. Fingers crossed!
I sat in traffic for hours going to pick up Billy's little cousin who was spending the night with Allie, and came home. Relatively uneventful.
DAY Five and Six -- Weekends
Nothing exciting about weekends. Typical running, errands, laundry. We had a guest until tonight (sunday), so that enhanced the running. My car got fixed.
Sunday night-- And the sadness creeps in that tomorrow morning, while I have an interview, I do not have a job to go to. While everyone else is preparing to go to work or wherever, I'm not preparing to do anything. Again the feeling of letting my family and those people who believe in me down. I think that I'm going to end this post now and go to bed, in hopes that I'll be able to sleep my extreme moroseness and devastation and sadness off.
Day Seven..... Coming soon.
